Multi Level Makin' Me Mad!

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I feel it is my duty as a rookie Internet blogger and self-proclaimed fitness blowhard to offer my opinion (i.e. the truth) on an increasingly disturbing social epidemic. This incredible infringement of my rights to work in my private office (i.e. the coffee shop of my choice) has finally put me over the edge. This poisonous infection that is strangling the caffeine enjoying public is known as multi level marketing (aka the devil).

As I write this moderately witty, spell-checked banter, I am in the midst of some sort of weight loss gimmick convention. Some of "them" are wearing some sort of badge with "slim...something" on it. The guru to these unfortunate, middle-aged ladies is a twenty something personal trainer looking type guy. I can't quite tell if they want to be buyers or dealers. Where's a narc when you need one?!

Something has got to give! How am I expected to develop thoughtful, balanced, excruciatingly difficult workouts while being forced to listen to the benefits of hoodia or the latest Oprah endorsed fitness miracle. The weird thing is that these MLM people always want me to sell their stuff. I've been invited to sell everything from soap to financial services to an exciting new interactive experience. I don't know what the last one is, but it doesn't sound legal outside the state of Nevada.

If anyone who sells this "slim...something" product or any of these other goofy money making schemes reads this blog, please do the following:
1) Get out of my office (I was here first and you know it).
2) Before you try a diet pill that has to place warnings concerning explosive diarrhea on it, try reading Art DeVany's stuff. Or just exercise and eat less junk.
3) Quit trying to get me to sell your laundry detergent, make-up, male enhancement formulas, mail enhancement formulas (freakin' postal service), or miracle thigh cream.
4) Have a great day! Gotta end on a positive.

Thank you. I feel much better. Trim Spa, baby!

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